As my “wedding” day nears (yes, I’m technically already married, but we’re having the actual reception for which people fly in and there’s a big “to-do” in just 2 days), I am reminded of past pieces of relationship advice and reflecting on how the hell relationships work anyway.
For example, isn’t it strange how the majority of us will feel obligated—perhaps even think it a moral duty—to be kind and considerate to roommates, you know clean your dishes, take turns cleaning the bathtub or floors or whatever, doing your own laundry, etc., yet often, when we end up living with someone with whom we are in a relationship, such acts of courtesy and common decency may suddenly cease…? Or how one can hang on every word a friend says and/or answer their phone calls or text messages right away, yet not remember the important things a loved one tells them, or make more of an effort to communicate with them? Such things remind me of something a friend (and former co-worker in the retail world) once said to me:
“You know, some people will spend all day being nice to strangers [at work/school/wherever], and then go home to their loved ones/ spouses/ whoever, and end up treating them like shit. We have to remember to treat the people who matter the most, the best, not the other way around.”
I, personally, (especially after having spent about 13 years in the customer service work world) find this especially profound and true.
This same friend also told me:
“The first fight you have will be the last fight you have”
I think anyone in a serious relationship, after some thought, can see how that one can easily come into fruition. Here are some other gems I’ve heard, read, been told, and concluded on my own, that I thought worth sharing:
- You can’t just wish and hope for a better relationship, you have to work for it.
- Sometimes you should just go to bed mad.
- One person will always think they are doing more than the other.
- Relationships aren’t complicated. People make them complicated.
- Don’t go into a serious commitment hoping/expecting something about the other person to change.
- Communication is truly the most important thing – “Nonviolent communication” that builds bridges instead of walls.
- Prioritize, prioritize. And keep those priorities straight.
- Life gets hectic, remember to set aside time with, and for, each other.
- You don’t have to share all the same interests, just love and a mutual respect.
- You and your partner are on the same team. Don’t ever forget it!
Well that’s all I’ve got so far (at least it’s what I would consider to be the most crucial/relevant pearls of wisdom so far). I am sincerely looking forward to all I will learn in the years to come while on this crazy roller coaster of a journey they call ‘marriage’.
Feel free to share anything else you’d like to add/advise in the comments below!